29. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
TAMAR
2 Sam. 13
Surabhi Chouhan
Nirmala Vasanthakumar
Case Study:
To begin with, we shall look at a recent true
incident which took place in 1990. Susheela grew up in a large
`Harijan' family. According to their tradition, women and girls
go to work from a very young age as maid-servants in rich
families. At the age of thirteen, Susheela was taken as a servant
girl by Mr. Xavier's family. After six months, when the Xaviers'
daughter Nanditha, a school teacher, came to her parents' house for her
confinement, Susheela was a great help to Nanditha. Nanditha's
husband, Rev. Joseph, was pastoring a church some distance away.
When it was time for Nanditha to go back to her husband's place, on
request by the Xavier family, Susheela's parents allowed their daughter
to go with Nanditha.
Susheela had a good time with Joseph and Nanditha.
But after Nanditha rejoined her teaching, one noon Rev. Joseph attacked
and raped Susheela when she was alone with the baby. When
Susheela became pregnant she begged Nanditha to do the needful for
her. However, in return she was blamed for the incident and
accused of being careless. Nanditha, conscious of her family
dignity and prestige, threatened Susheela that she would prove her
husband blameless. After being harassed in this way, Susheela
left their house and was absconding for a year. She hid herself
with a Muslim family in another village.
In the meantime her parents were anxiously inquiring
about their daughter, but neither the Xaviers nor the Josephs would
divulge the story about what had happened to Susheela. Though the
senior couple, the Xaviers, knew of the incident, they too kept it
secret. Meanwhile, there was another danger awaiting
Susheela. The Muslim family who had given shelter to Susheela had
a son who was attracted to Susheela, promising her that he would marry
her. He misled her to enjoy her sexually. After a year she
was found by the help of the police and brought back to her parents.
The above incident was forgotten with the passage of
time, but Susheela still continues to bear the pain as she works as a
maid-servant in many houses.
Bible Study:
Now, let us read 2 Samuel 13:1-22. King
David had atleast six wives (2 Sam. 3:2-5), apart from Michal, daughter
of Saul (1 Sam. 18:27), and Bath Sheba (2 Sam. 11:26). Amnon is
his first son, of Ahinom of Jezreel. Tamar and Absalom are sister
and brother, the children of David and Maacah. So Tamar is the
half-sister of Amnon, with whom he thinks he has fallen hopelessly in
love. Maybe this affects him physically as well as mentally and
he falls sick. One of his relatives, Jonadab, comes to his aid
and together they plan how to get Tamar alone with Amnon. The
incident of sexual molestation happens inside the palace. After
ravaging Tamar’s body, Amnon’s love turns out to be only lust, and his
lust turns into hatred. After using her, Amnon literally throws
her out of the house. When Tamar wants to make this incident
public, she is made to keep silent by her brother, Absalom. Her
father David is more concerned about his first born son than about what
has happened to his daughter.
Tamar’s pain and grief seem to have no effect on the
male members of her family and there is no reference to the feelings of
the women of the family. Tamar’s world is turned up side down in
a few hours. Tamar’s brother waits for two years to take his
revenge, which in no way improves the situation for Tamar. There
is no reference to what happens to Tamar, no information about whether
Tamar recovers from her desolate condition or not.
Reflection:
This Biblical narrative raises several issues.
It is not an incident of the past, but similar events continue to
happen in our day also. The case study I have narrated is one
such example. A man may go to any level to possess the body of
the woman he lusts after. But once his lust is satisfied, the
woman is thrown out. No consideration is given to the woman’s
feelings. We only have to speak to women who are unwed mothers to
know that our society is full of Tamars. At least the Biblical
Tamar had a place to go to, no matter what the reasons were. Her
brother Absalom was sympathetic in his own way, and offered shelter for
her. But the Tamars of our day, like Susheela, have no place to
go, partly because the families are too poor to support an unwanted
daughter, and partly because the family is too worried about their
prestige and honor. Approval by the society counts for more than
the trauma the daughter of the family has undergone and the physical
and mental pain she is faced with.
The story of Tamar combines incest and domestic
violence. In this incident we find the conspiracy of men from the
beginning till the end. They plot together to isolate Tamar so
that she can be molested, and they help each other to throw her out of
the house. For reasons of their own, they make her silent.
Though Tamar may be the only rape victim in the scripture to have an
opportunity to raise her voice, yet she is silenced to safeguard the
family’s name. Incidents of incest are on the
increase, perhaps for reasons related to social change. Fathers
molest daughters step fathers and brothers their step-daughters
and sisters. There are incidents of grandfathers molesting their
grand- children. Many times the victim goes through a very
painful psychological trauma, but the family does not take these things
seriously, even when the victim describes her experiences.
Instead they are reprimanded for having wild imaginations or just
brushed aside as though nothing serious has happened. This
further traumatizes the victims. Child abuse, including
sexual abuse, is also on the increase. All these may have existed
in the past, but it is coming out in the open because there are
counselors in the schools and other opportunities for victims to
express themselves. Like Tamar, the present day victims are
abused in their own homes and environment, not by strangers, but by
family members and people whom they know and trust. Their efforts
to resist are also met with the same kind of treatment which Tamar
received. Decisions about how to respond to this kind of violence
are made without the victims’s participation, and little or no
consideration is given to the victim’s wellbeing, just as it happened
in Tamar’s case.
In this incident we see that Tamar was not counted
as a person but as an object, the property of men. This does not
mean that women have no choice but to remain silent. Just because
women are treated as property does not lessen or diminish the pain,
terror and agony they experience as a result of rape and threats of
being killed, or becoming outcastes. But this does not indicate
that the Bible agrees with this kind of treatment. Tamar’s
actions of raising her voice, both before she was abused and after, is
clear testimony to this.
In order to curb and challenge violence and
sexual abuse against women we need to lay emphasis on two
aspects. The first is to listen to the experiences of the victims
from their own point of view, free of any prejudices. This will provide
opportunity for the victim to express her inner feelings without any
fear of judgement. This in itself will be a process of healing
for the victims.
The second aspect of our response is to stand in
solidarity with the victims and challenge the powers that provide
opportunity to the abuser to abuse and the authority that tends to
protect the interests of the abuser. We see this abuse of power
and authority in Amnon’s cousin, Jonadab who plots the whole event with
Amnon, and King David, who keeps silent and takes no steps to punish
Amnon because he is his first born. As a result of this misplaced
loyalty, an innocent young girl, King David’s own daughter, is denied
justice, and her whole future is doomed. There are many cases of
sexual abuse like that of Susheela, where the victim is blamed for the
whole incident and the abusers go scot free, enjoying themselves and
victiminising many others.
I am sure we all agree that what happened to Tamar
is a violation of her personhood. She did not do anything to
provoke the violence that was meted out to her. If she had had a
support group where she could have come and shared her harrowing
experience, things might have been different. If a community of faith
could have spoken to her words of hope and comfort and joined with her
to challenge the injustice that was done to her, maybe more positive
steps would have been taken. By our speaking about Tamar and Susheela
the invisibility of the injustice done to them is made visible.
By our efforts to reach out and help victims of sexual harassment,
rape, and incest, we will be vindicating Tamar’s cause.
The Church frequently ignores these problems,
choosing to remain silent. But no longer can this situation
continue, for women and other victims of violence are becoming
courageous and raising their voices. The Church has to take a
stand, affirm its solidarity with the victims, and challenge the forces
that perpetuate this kind of violence. We need to become the
voice of the voiceless, and enablers of the voiceless to regain their
voices and transform their lives. As empathetic listeners and
catalysts for change, we can enable others to revive their lives,
re-establish relationships, be reconciled in community, and face the
difficult realities of life.
Questions for Discussion:
1. Do you know of women who have had an
experience like those of Tamar and Susheela?
What was your response?
2. Has your women’s group or church made any
attempt to address this situation and take action in
relation to the people involved?
3. What are the concrete steps that could be taken to
counter the violence that is meted out to women and
children?
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Buttrick, G.A, ed., The Interpreter's Bible Vol. II,
Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1981.
Cooper-White, Pamela, The Cry of Tamar: Violence:
Against Women and the Church’s Response,
Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1995.
MacNicol, Nicol and V. Mangalwadi, What Liberates a
Woman? New Delhi: Good Books, 1996.
The Life Application Bible, Illinois: Tyndale House,
1986.
Trible, Phyllis, Texts of Terror: Literary Feminist Readings
of Biblical Narratives. Philadelphia: Fortress
Press,
1984.
Violence Against Women, The Report to the General
Synod 1986 of the Anglican Church of Canada,
1987.